Hi there, it’s me, long time no see,
I’ve not been active for a long, long, long time- too long. I have been going through a pretty rough time recently and I just haven’t had the motivational energy to do anything. If you read my previous post I talked about my friends that I was with- haha see the past tense. So it was A, B, and C, right? A being the girl who was being utterly disrespectful, B and C who I was finally starting to trust again and then D, E and F my girls who have always been there for me and have never let me down, those are my true ones, the ones I know I can love and trust. Hence the word ‘trust’ being used as a huge word, trust is so powerful to me and really means a lot to me, without trust who would you tell your biggest problems too and who would you have to help you in your hardest times? I just gave up on it all, honestly, I gave up.
Ok so now it’s about eight months down the line, and since my last post, I have all of my blogmas from Christmas in my saved but I just never go round to posting them- I’m so sorry. Anyway, a lot has changed over this time, and when I say a lot, I really mean a lot. Ok, let’s go back to where I was before, it wasn’t the best of places. I was surrounding myself around the wrong person and was no having a good time. Now let’s skip to the end of that around mid-January was when things got pretty bad. A and I hadn’t talked at all she had sent me some pretty bad messages and I just couldn’t talk to her at all. so basically A is out of my life at this point. Now to B and C, B had done worse stuff to me and C was always nice around me but to be honest, I was closer to B. B acted younger than she should, a lot younger, like she was pretending she was a cat and so was C and no I am not one of those people but yeah they were not my usual sort of friends. I had been with them from the start of uni so I sort of just stuck with them, B was a bitch so I found out, she sent me even worse messages would go talk to A about me all the time and say things about me or what’ve said that wasn’t true, She was in it for the drama. I have never disregarded anyone cause it’s wrong and you are just asking for karma so it’s better to keep your lips sealed.
Week on week. she would cause an argument and she was drifting herself away but at the same time pushing me out of it all. C didn’t do anything to stop it she just watched her bully me, so yeah she’s not in the wrong entirely but honestly you think she would’ve helped if she was a best friend, but she wasn’t she didn’t care at all for me, at all. Now a few weeks later she kept sending me messages and they were pretty bad, to the point she was telling me to leave and she didn’t want to have me in her life and she thinks I’ve ruined her life and all that jazz, bearing in mind I have severe depression and severe anxiety this was not good for my mental health, so yeah me=in a really, really, really bad place, now when this B had officially kicked me out of the group she didn’t stop, she carried on banging into me laughing at me and pointing, stupid stuff right? Yeah but the worse thing is C joined in a girl who I thought I could carry on a healthy friendship with, but yeah that ended. Keep it in mind that A ( a girl who was my best friend for the majority of my life) B and C ( not known long but trusted and had introduced A to them so we could all be good friends) had now become the three amigos, all of them were best friends. A wasn’t rude to me anymore but I still was upset with her after all of it but I just left it, I didn’t have much energy left to do anything. So now I’m literally alone, apart from of course D, E and F, D and E none of them were at my uni anyway but at this point, I shut myself down and went into that state of mind again, locked myself away from everything and everyone.
A few weeks later I started to hang with this group who were amazing and so, so, so kind to me, there is literally about 15 of us so we are a pretty big group. They changed my life around and I am so unbelievably grateful that I found them because I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them, honestly, I was pretty close to the end. So now I’m in a better state of mind than I ever was before, I finally accepted that I was ok with what had happened with B and C, they had left my life for the better, they actually did me a favour. So about four months ago, I realised that I had finally forgiven A, I wanted to clear things up and so I did and trust me it was the best decision I could’ve made and I am glad I did, and my life is looking the better, so I believe I do not have fake people in my life anymore, things have turned out for the best and yeah i’ve been through therapy, counselling and cbt to get here, but it was all worth it because my life had never looked better. I have new people in my life that I am grateful for and there was one person who helped me through it all the most, let’s call him G, now I wouldn’t have got here if it wasn’t for G, yeah I’d liked him that way for a few years but I thought it would never become anything, because one his ex is one of my best friends F and two one of my exes that I was with for about seven years was his best friend. yeah, complicated. G and I talked for about 10 hours on end, not doing anything and I felt so open with him and he felt so open with me, we would talk every day and he meant the world to me, and about two months ago he asked me out and yeah we’ve been dating that long and I could not ask for anyone better, I am so happy where I am now and I know I would not be here if it wasn’t for the people that are around me today, so thank you for everything that has happened to me because i’ve learnt from it and overcame it to become a better person and the stronger person I am today.